Part 4 How I Survived My Suicide Attempt

Proverbs 29:23 “A man’s pride will bring him low, But the humble in spirit will retain honor.”

To really get how big the next part is, I need to give you a little bit of my back story.

I grew up in a small mountain community in northern California. You may think that you have an understanding of small. Well not compared to this, the town did have a post office and an ice skating rink, a bar, a hole in the wall store. You know the kind, when you go camping and you forgot the marshmallows they charge you four bucks for a bag. So not really a store that the locals used. Put it this way, the town was so small, it didn’t even have a gas station, you had to drive three miles the other way to get gas.

I lived outside of town and my parents liked their privacy. I didn’t get to have friends over, nor did I get to go to anyone’s house. I really didn’t have friends anyways, so it wasn’t a big deal. I was shy with adults, and with kids I kind of had an anger problem. What I had to stuff down and keep inside at home I took out on others at school. To avoid being home as soon as I was aloud to, on the weekends, I would leave the house after chores. I would run, just run, we were too far for me to really go anywhere really. So I would run all over the mountains, and the river that ran through the valley we lived, until I had to go home.

The point is, in your teens when you might try drugs or drink, you do it with your friends. You don’t do it by yourself. Well I didn’t have any friends to hang out with. So I never did that kind of stuff. The one time I did try pot, was when I had to go live with my real Dad for a time in the city. Here he was buying pot from his girlfriends son who was then going to take me and his little brother to a carnival. My Dad told me that if I ever tried “Pot ”  he would kick my butt (like that was anything new). Well that very night I did try pot. It tasted like dirt. I did not get what the big deal was. Of course I was only 16 and only did a little. But you get the point, I was not into drugs.

My Dad didn’t kick my butt that night, he waited until I told him I was pregnant, and refused to abort the baby. He told me I was ruining my life.

Now, back to the hotel where I just want to die instead of letting anyone know that I was a drug addict.

As I keep blacking out, then coming to and fighting with Scott about getting help or going to the hospital. He of course doesn’t know what to do; call someone or what? Our lives would be ruined! We have our four children in the room next door (connecting rooms), we have been fighting with his ex for years to get full custody, this would destroy it all. Plus, I’m refusing to go, that gives him an out, if he was looking for one, but he’s not!

This part I only know because he told me after; I was out for the count this time. Scott picks up the Gideon Bible that is in every Hotel, Motel room that I know of, only this on is not in a drawer, it’s on the shelf in the open closet, under the light, one of the only lights we have on in the room. So he takes it in between his hands and looks up and says “God forgive me for what I’ve done!”

WOW!!! I have to stop here guys, this is the first time that I have put all of this to words, and I have to say it is hard to remember where you came from, to remember that I risked it all for my pride, my children, and my life.

Tune in for the next part and See How God Showed UP!!!


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