April 9th, 1994 is an important day in my life, a day God made me choose between Him and my life of drugs. Had I chosen drugs I would be dead. No if’s, and’s, or but’s about it. D-E-A-D.
God saved my life that night in that hotel room, not because I asked Him to, but because Scott asked for forgiveness for the life we lived. We now needed to repent and turn back to the Father that we had turned our backs on.
April 10, 1994; We got the kids up early and dressed for church, off we go to the Old Fashion Sunday in the park that we had heard about. There were all kinds of people there, games and things for the kids to do after the service. I don’t remember hearing anything that the person preaching said that day. I do know that it wasn’t the regular pastor, he was on a mission trip to Russia. I was just waiting for the altar call, to go up and re-dedicate my life to God. I don’t know what I would have done had they not done an altar call. But God knew what I needed, so of course when the call came both me and Scott went. I can only speak for me as I prayed that day, the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders. I was home.
Okay, so you have heard that when you turn your life over to God everything is better, Right? Wrong! Well not wrong… but not roses and butterflies either. Satan doesn’t have to bother someone who is already his or is not a threat. See you don’t have to be an out and out devil worshiper to be on his side of the fence, you just have to be not on God’s side. So the minute you pick God’s side the devil is now against you. You might be asking, “Then why pick God?” I go back to Psalm 139, in it God knows everything about me and still loves me and protects me, He formed me and called it wonderful, and He will never leave me. Which He has shown me over those last 6 years while I had walked in anger with God and in a life of drugs.
Back to work on Monday, wow, only a week has gone by, but what a week. My life is scrubbed new. The Doctor that I worked for attended church, and was a deacon. So I was excited to go to him and share what God had done for me.
Ya….. looking back on it now, it most likely was not the best thing to do. So far we have not had to tell anyone in our family that we were drug addicts. I’m sure some may have guessed or suspected, but they never came out and said anything. I thought my boss would be excited about what God did in my life. Not so much. Even through I had never screwed up at work while on drugs, he couldn’t forgive me for using drugs while at work and fired me, even through I had not had any drugs for 3 days now. (side note; now that I’m a boss and a pastor’s wife I would have gave me a leave of absents without pay) That was the day I learned the difference between a relationship with Christ, and being religious.
Scott also lost his job, because he was afraid to leave me alone. It was a hard time, most couples don’t make it out of drugs together and stay together. So we went from having two good jobs, but we were druggies, to now we are unemployed, being evicted, and having to go on welfare and food stamps to feed our family. Oh, and our whole marriage has been in a drug lifestyle. Life is hard but GOOD for the first time in a long time.
Our church family is great! We are learning so much, they take us in and just love on us. We jump in with both feet. Yes, we trade one addiction for another (God). There is something to do or be at 7 days a week for us and the kids. The kids are loving it, making new friends. Our new friends help us move to the apartment that we got with a section 8 voucher. Which I find so funny because we are in an apartment complex that if I still wanted drugs, all I would have had to do was walk out my front door and wave a twenty and I could have got anything. Even that was part of God’s plan. It showed us the real side of drug addicts, we now joke about the “responsible” part, but in those apartments I saw kids that needed parents and didn’t have them because of drugs. Our apartment quickly became the hang out. Plus we had food, one of the ladies at church was teaching me couponing so the food stamps went further.