I survived suicide! But I’m afraid to fly!

For months now I have been working on my book proposal about my attempted suicide and how God saved my life. I have been working on this to take to the Proverbs 31 She Speaks Conference in North Carolina.

Did you know that unless you have a week that you can take off work you have to fly to North Carolina? I’m afraid to fly!

Oh, you knew that. Well I probably knew that too when I bought my tickets from Orbitz back in April and got a great deal on my flights from American Airlines. It just didn’t really resonate with me then because July was still so far away.

As I’m getting ready for this first ever trip in my life by myself, I have an understanding that there will be many firsts to come. I have never traveled anywhere alone. Whether by car, plane, train, bus, or foot. To tell the truth, I have never been alone in my life. God in really pushing me out of my box this time.

God called me to write and to speak nineteen years ago, I’m a slow starter as you can see. I have let my fear get the better of me. Many times over the last few months I have wanted to give up and quit, to tell God once again, “I can’t do it, pick someone else to tell them.”

With a whisper in my ear, and a hug around my heart I feel my heavenly Father telling me, “But I saved you; you tell them what I can do.”

I must confess that I still had fear in my heart as I left my husband at LAX check-in. As I sat there waiting for my flight to be called, I tried to distract myself with games and my phone. The closer we got to the time to go, my heart started beating and I thought I was going to be sick.

My honey called me to see if I was okay and I cried and told him how I was feeling. He asked if there was anyone around me that looked friendly that I could talk to. Really, I’m in LAX. Matter of fact, about that time the older father and son that sat nearby got up and move away from the crazy lady crying about being afraid to fly.    

He reminded me of a letter a sweet friend of mine had written me. Just in case I got anxious and needed words to calm me. Well this would be a time to use it. Out came the letter and what wonder words of wisdom she wrote, the Fathers love was there in every word, It calmed my fears and reminded me;

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So with that I not only got on that plane, but the next one in Dallas and took my first taxi to the conference. I met with three publishers and heard wonderful speakers. I learned all kinds of great things for this next step in my life, as I follow the call that God has for me. I made new friends and will tell you more about all of that next time.

I survived suicide, and flying with Gods help.  

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4 thoughts on “I survived suicide! But I’m afraid to fly!

  1. happiday63 August 3, 2013 at 5:44 pm Reply

    I’m so proud of you for pushing through your fears! God is GOOD!

  2. greenlightlady August 3, 2013 at 8:06 pm Reply

    Go Deena go! What a wonderful reminder that God’s word is powerful – as He is!

    Blessings ~ Wendy

  3. livefulfilled August 4, 2013 at 4:48 pm Reply

    Awesome!!! Keep going! 🙂

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