Only I can set me free!

Someone close to me said they thought my honesty about what a mess my life can be, and how hard my past has been to overcome, has given her strength to take a stand in her life.

I give God all the glory for any good thing that might come out of me writing my thoughts down for the world to see. I am far from perfect; I’m not even close as a homework assignment from my therapist has shown me just how far away I am.

We all have our issues! Husbands and wife’s, when you have been married for 25 years with the baggage we brought with us (check out my honey on depression,  or an old post on my suicide attempt,) even in a good marriage you may need help.

With all the things that we had crowded into our lives, we were so far away from help, we were almost down for the count if you know what I mean.

From the outside looking in, everything looked fine. No one was cheating, we both still love each other. So why is it that in December of last year I told my husband that if we didn’t go talk to someone I would leave?

When asked at that time by our counselor what I needed from my husband it was to feel loved. I would venture to say that very same thing resonates with many of you.

I didn’t want to be his business partner, accountant, secretary, some what house keeper. He did most of the cooking and the laundry. (Yes, I know, for that alone he is worth keeping)

I needed the romance back in our life! For that to happen I needed to hear that he was very unhappy with work.

There have been many steps over the last 9 months and many changes in our lives getting to a better place. I no longer feel like I would ever leave. I know that whatever happens, we can talk about it and work it out.

But I also came to the understanding through a homework assignment that the weak willed person who would not stand up for herself is still living in my house. She is the one that got to such a dark place she tried to take her life instead of asking for what she needed.

I know it makes it sound so simple but for me that is where the rubber meets the road. I was unwilling to say no, or ask for what I needed. So I opted out.

Don’t get me wrong; back then I didn’t have the strength to stand; but to let it happen again…….the enemy would win.

That punk does not win on my dime. Not any more. I am learning that if I am to be heard, I have to speak.

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I have been one of the biggest road blocks in my marriage,

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because I have been afraid to speak. When things are not the way I would like them to be, I am then angry.

I DID NOT MARRY A MIND READER.  If I don’t speak for me, then know one will.

This has just been my growth moment. I hope there is something here for you.

God bless.

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7 thoughts on “Only I can set me free!

  1. writeshianwrite August 30, 2013 at 10:38 pm Reply

    Amen! To God be the glory! Awesome testimony.

    • Deena Siddle August 31, 2013 at 9:35 am Reply

      Yeah it is only with him I can do anything. Thanks for reading.

  2. Theresa August 31, 2013 at 10:09 am Reply

    It takes strength and courage to acknowledge that maybe we’re in over our head and making the choice to see if a counselor might help. It’s difficult to see parts of us that we might not like. Brava to you for your efforts and much luck and blessings as you move forward… [You’re right – we all have issues; some of have subscriptions…]

    • Deena Siddle August 31, 2013 at 11:33 am Reply

      LOL, thank you Theresa no marriage is worth through away. Believe me I asked God if I could just leave?

      • Theresa August 31, 2013 at 11:44 am

        You’re welcome. 98% of us have been there.

  3. lessonsbyheart September 21, 2013 at 4:57 pm Reply

    I get what you’re saying. At 50+ I just learned that “self-control” is not merely controlling what I do or don’t do; it also is controlling what I allow or don’t allow others to do to me…and that means I must communicate with them.

    \o/

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