The battle begins each new day anew, I grow weary of fighting.
The voices in my head tell me I deserve better, why do I have to work so hard,
How come we don’t have more money, why don’t we get to take nice vacations? We have earned them.
If he really loved me, he would give me all these things. Maybe there is someone else? That would explain why he doesn’t want me.
This is a battle that is fought within on a spiritual level one the enemy of each one of us will try to win each day.
If the enemy can get us to believe even just one of these things, even for a moment or something like the example above, then he has a foot hold on us and in our relationships.
If before we even get out of bed and even have a word with our husbands the enemy (Satan) has already whispered in our ear that we deserve better, how does that set the tone for the day?
Will we jump out of bed, look at our husbands, and think; WOW! I love you, sweet heart. Or will we look and see where he no longer is the guy we married so many years ago.
Now be careful, the enemy doesn’t play favorites, he is whispering in his mind too, saying; WOW! Boy has she let herself go, is she really going to wear that again.
Now he’s thinking; can’t wait to get to work were they appreciate me, and don’t think I’m so stupid.
See even as a pastor’s wife I had let the enemy get a hold of my thoughts, my prayers had become useless and selfish.
When I would pray for my marriage I would pray; God fix what is wrong with my husband, make him a better man, and help him to give me what I need, be the man I want him to be.
I would hope I’m not the only women in the world to pray a selfish pray. God doesn’t answer those kinds of prayers, and the enemy knows it.
It just gives the enemy a stronger foot hold in your life; you are now cut off from your life support, no longer hearing from God on the one subject you are crying out to Him on and what you are listening to are lies from the enemy.
So, in December of 2012, I had been listening to the lies so long and was becoming someone who was hard to love. God was still the King in our home; and before it all fell apart, we got help! The first thing we had to do was take EVERY THOUGHT INTO CAPTIVITY! 1 Cor. 3:10
Know that they are lies from the enemy sent to destroy you! To make you cheat on your family, to spend more than you make; to work longer than is healthy, and to eat more than is satisfying.
So that was step one and step two was to put the other person’s needs above your own.
I have to say, that was really hard to do at the time; when you don’t really like someone right now, to put their needs first is hard.
Now don’t get me wrong, just because I am saying that I didn’t like Scott at that time doesn’t mean I didn’t still love him with all my heart. For me it is two different things.
That was almost two years ago, and I am happy to say that with God’s grace my marriage ia stronger now then it has ever been. I am no longer afraid to speak out and say what I feel….even if it is not what he would like to hear.
We have graduated from marriage counseling and have moved on to help on others, to be God all the glory amen!