I thought that when we started going to counseling all of my feeling would be justified I would get a poor Deena look what you have had to put up with, brownie button and my husband would be told he had to do better.
That was not the case. It took both of us not doing things well to get us to this point in almost twenty- five years, so the blame could not be laid at anyone persons feet.
The first thing that we did need to know is did we still love each other? I’m Happy to say the answer was yes on both sides.
Then did we what to work at saving our marriage? It may seem like a redundant question but really it’s not, some people may still have love but are just tried of trying.
I’m happy to say we were not to that point we did want to try and save our marriage.
I found out that day that I have a critical sprit about me and use it on my husband to the point that he feels he can’t do anything right in my eyes, because I always question him. Or that is the way my questions make him feel. Even if that is not the way they are meant.
I never knew that and was heart broken to know that I make him feel that way.
Because of him feeling like I believed he could do nothing right I my eyes, why would he then want to fulfil my need of being needed.
As you can see it is just a vicious cycle of not understanding or listening to each other.
When we got to the point were we had to listen to each other and what was being said, it may have hurt but it was needed to grow.
March of 2013 was our 25th anniversary just months after I was going to leave for good, our youngest daughter who is pretty quick pick up on the vibe of what mom and dad are going thought. So she gets with her sibling and plans a 25th anniversary renewal of vowel’s wedding for us, she is not no dummy, she knows is she plans this I will not leave her Dad in the middle if it.
She may have gotten us through the hardest part; by make us look at why we are here in the first place.
The point is put the out put the others persons feelings first you will never get to the win zone. Or the places were you fine peace in your relationship. It may go against all that you have ever read or will ever read but God tells us to put our spouses before you and all will be right that is my paraphrase.
Let me give you an example of the way Scott now look’s out for me, we like to ride bikes in the past he would ride in front of me and just take off and if I could keep up great if not my bad, I’m out of shape and I would feel like a loser.
Now we still ride together but I am in the lead and we ride at my pace and he sets his gearing to make his ride harder for him so that he still gets a workout but it is at my pace and we both feel great because no one feels like a loser. Everyone feels loved.
If you are having trouble in your marriage but still are in love and want to save please find someone to talk to, pray, and seek help.